At The Safe Space boardroom, you might hear someone saying:

“I don’t want to do this; I feel like I’ll mess it up”.

And that conversation is often followed by:

“That’s how my inner critic speaks!”

When someone feels discomfort over a thought they can’t control, they can name the voice that makes everyday moments feel difficult.

Our brain is wired to notice our mistakes or faults and help us solve the problems we face. But when we start fixating on these experiences, leaving no room to reflect or learn from them, it can open the door to unkind self-talk.

This voice is the inner critic. It cautions us about our actions, missteps, and perceived judgement from the people around us. It learned to speak to us through experiences and patterns we picked up to stay safe from criticism or rejection. Even if those moments are no longer present, the voice still wants to give protection.

Our childhood experiences can shape the way this voice builds in us as adults. Meeting disapproval, hearing comparisons, or feeling shame at a young age can mold how the inner critic approaches situations. Instead of reflecting on how to move through a situation, it sticks to what it knows.

“I can’t mess up”

“I don’t have the best skills”.

This makes us more careful with things that feel new or different, because our voice doesn’t know what to expect. Looking at the inner critic’s words as fact can make us feel more anxiety and self-doubt. But what happens if we meet it with curiosity and compassion? It gives way to another voice…

Picture a steady captain, navigating the stormy seas. Their skills in steering the ship can keep our feet planted firmly on the deck, despite the tide. The inner coach is like that, a voice that helps us feel more confident in our experiences, whether they’re welcomed or not. Here, that voice is: kind, understanding, steadfast, and curious.

Building the inner coach takes time. We can start by:

• Exploring characteristics that make up this voice. Our inner coach may resemble role models we might have had or wanted growing up.

• Taking time to recognize where our strengths lie and reflect on our achievements. This can look like making lists, engaging in reflections, or doing journal prompts.

• Approaching goals with more practicality, whether it means breaking down tasks into smaller steps and showing appreciation for every moment of progress.

• Being inquisitive and kind when meeting the inner critic. The language that we use to speak to it can help it feel heard too. By engaging with the inner critic, we make space for it to share the worry, while also maintaining that we can continue forward despite that. These questions sound like, “what are you trying to protect me from? What will happen if I don’t try? How can I help make this easier?”

The goal is never to push the inner critic away. Instead, we accept it as a part of us and reprogram how we engage with it. Building a respectful relationship between our inner critic and inner coach can help boost our self-esteem and make it easier to navigate challenges.